I got to see my friend Ashley Gibson this weekend (and lots of other friends too, Sing Song is the best) and it reminded me of my main goal in life, to make other people jealous of the adventures I have with Hanson. Or to let other people share in those adventures. Or to give people the opportunity to judge/mock my obsession with Hanson. Just take your pick of whichever most closely applies to you.
I’ve been trying to write about my vacation with Hanson since I got back, but it’s hard to put down, mostly because it was awesome. And then also because I’ve always clung to the fact that I can say I’m not as crazy as other Hanson fans. But can you really say that after you go to Jamaica to see them? I mean, I still can, but only in reference to the people there that were crazier than me (picture tattoos and sleeping by the stage).
So go ahead and make your jokes about Hanson being ‘such a great girls group’ and I’ll ‘laugh’ cause you’re so ‘funny.’
Background: 20th anniversary (feel old yet) of the band. Card carrying (yes me) members of the fan club can go to an all-inclusive trip to Jamaica where they will play 3 concerts and have 2 special guests. I convince one special guest (Callie Adams, who I bought a fan club membership for) to come with me.
Highlights of my trip to Jamaica:
He didn’t use teeth in any pictures OKAY.
Now timeline form:
Friday January 11th
10ish: Meet Callie in Miami, use our layover time to eat Mexican food in the airport, also spent time speculating about the trip and probably thanking Callie for agreeing to come with me.
4ish: Arrive in Jamaica, get through customs, see other girls there for Hanson trip, start to get nervous. We may or may not have tried to sneak into another group after the lady asked if we were with Hanson then noticeably rolled her eyes (bad customer service if you ask me).
5:30ish: While waiting to be shown to our rooms we meet our trip soulmates, Emily and Mike, whose first comment to us was ‘interesting drive over’ I thought they meant the fact that Jamaicans drive like maniacs, no, ‘I mean the Hanson freaks in our van’. Instant bond.
9ish: First show is great; the stage is located right on the sand. However, things take a terrifying turn when some fans decide they’ll watch from the water. I was absolutely convinced they were going to drown and I was going to have to give comments on the news. This blog would have gotten huge though after the viral video hit. Too far?
Saturday January 12th
8ish: Callie and I discover we’re on the nude portion of the beach. Luckily the influx of Hanson fans has limited the amount of other guests, limited, not eliminated. There was a tethered floatie in the water.. a communal floatie.. on a nude beach. Need I say more?
11ish: Tie dying with Zac. This was an opportunity for us to ‘hang out’ with Zac I guess. What really happened is he walked up and was instantly swarmed. Lucky for us they provided him with a microphone. Giving all due respect to my second favorite member of my favorite band, his jokes need no microphone. They’re best left unheard. Instead all of us laugh really hard at everything. Positive reinforcement for negative behavior.
This is what a true hangout looks like.
Afternoon: Spent at the beach, in swimsuits. Let it be noted that quite a few Hansonites(?) spent their vacation in jeans and t-shirts. A lot also spent their time sleeping by the stage for a 9pm show the next day, or lining up for aforementioned tie dying or later mentioned cooking/drink making. While my heart was heavy for them, it did make finding good lounge chairs a lot easier.
Also Afternoon: Ran into Robert Schwartzman who was playing a show the following night. When I talked excitedly about Robert Schwartzman before the trip and no one knew who I meant I figured out the 3 identifiers I could use so that people knew him: 1. Michael from Princess Diaries 2. Frontman of Rooney, my favorite band in High School and 3. Brother of Jason Schwartzman. Now I might have been one of the few people who knew who he was pre-concert. So of course I went up to him and just let words come out of my mouth with little to know care for how they were strung together. I know I offered him a sip of my drink 3 times, because you know, who wouldn’t want to share a drink with what seems like a deranged fan.
It was a banana smoothie and he would have loved it!
I also told him I’d recently watched his guest appearance on The OC. I stopped short of offering him a pizza with M&Ms on it so you can rest easy. (Joke for the hardcore Princess Diaries fans, ‘Gupta.. mmhmmmhmm.’ IS ANYONE GETTING THIS?!?!)
7ish: Dinner at the hibachi grill, the onion train and knife showmanship did not make it. We did however get serenaded, and I’m pretty sure I sang an Adele song back. This was also when the final members of our group, Jenna and Angelo (who are Australians living in London which is so cool and makes me jealous), were cemented into our group.
9ish: Great second acoustic show. Before you ask, I didn’t cry.
Sunday January 13th
This was the day when Hanson didn’t perform. Instead it was Charlie Mars (sorry that Bruno stole your chance for fame) and Robert Schwartzman performed.
This was also the day that we went to Taylor and Isaac’s events.
This was also the day when we heckled during Taylor and Isaac’s events.
The most interesting part of those events was meeting a girl who pretended she was in the market for a home so that she could tour the house that one of the Hansons was selling. And also stayed at the same hotel as them. FOUND THEIR ROOM AND PULLED THE BILLING STATEMENT FROM UNDER THE DOOR. I’m sorry. You CANNOT consider me as crazy as this. But the flip side of that is it’s really made me aware of making sure my billing statement gets completely slipped under my door. My celebrity status is rising and I just know people are stalking me to Baltimore.
But actually we became friends with her too.
And one last ‘this was also’, this was also the day that we competed in a lunchtime “Minute to Win It” type thing against some of the core fan club members. Apparently us absolutely destroying them does not bode well for our status on the Fan Forums. But on the real nobody trashed us on there and it kind of hurts my feelings. If people aren’t talking they don’t care!
On the plus side it gave everyone a chance to see my insane competitive side come out. Seriously, I apologize. I’m aware it’s crazy but I can’t stop it.
Monday January 14th
I’m getting sick of giving times. But I’m just now telling you, I figured you wouldn’t notice until now. Is anyone even still reading?
This was the day the music died. Or almost did. Or when I almost was not a fan anymore. Seriously.
The concert that night was a total repeat of the first night!
Here is my beef with that and the reasons:
- Umm hello we’re in Jamaica, we came to an ISLAND to hear you play, and you’re playing the same ones
- It’s not like I’m following your tour and like ‘what? The same songs in different cities’ I’m on an ISLAND
- We all came to an ISLAND! So we’re obviously fans. BIG ONES. We’re going to notice.
Then I had to help a drunk lesbian who kept trying to grab my bottom. She fell over and was by herself so I helped her to a chair and we sat with her till her roommates finally came over. This might be a good place to add that when we were taken to our room the lady asked if we knew each other. Come to find out MOST of the people on this trip were staying with complete strangers. I mean. Weird right?
After that debacle I was feeling blue. My favorite band had let me down, my vacation was almost over. But wait. There was redemption.
I will give you this life advice for free. Always befriend support staff. Whether it’s the people working at the resort or hosting the event or whatever. Befriend the people who might be secretly in the know (Shout out to Rene and Francois and Coulter who will probably never read this). Cause they’ll tell you that the bros are giving a secret concert in the piano bar and this will happen with no zoom:
And they’ll play your all-time favorite song of Cecilia at your request. And you’ll steal the glass that one of them was using as a souvenir but wash it so you aren’t creepy is that still creepy what’s a run on sentence do they distract from you being weird?
Tuesday January 15th
Say goodbye to my vacation friends and return home. Let me just say, that ever since watching every Mary-Kate and Ashley Around the World movie I’ve wanted a vacation boyfriend. They always get them and they’re soooo cute. But vacation friends are the next best thing (I think, I’ve never had a vacay bf and he could be the worst and then I’d say they are THE best thing).
I appreciate my group for making all my dreams come true. Except for that one where Robert Schwartzman saw me in the crowd and fell in love with me because he could tell I’m funny. I guess his girlfriend is sort of absolutely beautiful.
And for those of you wondering. They played MmmBop. Twice.